A love that lost hope

I saw you from across the lunchroom and you smiled, and that's how it all started. As your hand left the table and waved me towards you I grabbed my bag. You asked me my name and I stumbled over my words. It was my own name.. How do you mess that up? I sat there, shy and playing with the sleeves of my sweater. I tried so hard not to stare at you, but I caught myself gazing in awe. I just listened to you talk about last nights football game and how Tom Brady was bad at what he did. And even though I didn't understand it at first, I was so intrigued because your eyes were so bright and you looked so happy. The bell rung and I felt my heart sink, knowing I wouldn't see you again until tomorrow. I walked confidently out the lunchroom doors behind you and saw that we had classes so close to each other, and I don't know why, but that little thing just made me so happy.

I walked into the basement of the house that we were living in. Not our house, but a ladies house that we were living in momentarily. My hair sat on top of my head, messy and in a bun and I was wearing a hoodie as the light from my computer screen shined bright. A notification popped up with your name in big letters and it said you had friended me. My smile ran big across my face and I accepted and sent you the word,"hey," nervously. Relief passed over me as I saw you typing back. You asked if I was going to the football game Friday. And I said yeah. But you weren't. You said you wanted to text me while I was there so we could make plans. And eventually.. We did make plans for the next week. 

You came over that next week.. And we made burgers. You had to help me because I was too nervous to cook them and got meat in my hair. I couldn't stop laughing. And my stomach hurt so much from it. But I loved it. I loved that I was laughing for once. And you found that purple sailboat stamp.. And you marked my face with it.. And I marked you back. And it wouldn't come off for two days. But we didn't care. It was the symbol for the love we had for each other.. Or that we would have for each other. And that's all that mattered. And as the day went on we went to take a walk. And as we walked we came to a granite bench over looking the lake down the road. And we sat there and talked about our past. All the hardships we went through. And I cried and you just held me. And you said a princess should never cry. And I was smiling again. Just like that. I laid my head on your shoulder. And after five minutes of silence as we looked out at the sun setting.. You took my hand in yours. And we both kinda giggled. And from that moment on.. I knew it was gonna be something special. I remember getting lost in the dark, getting my first kiss from you on Friday the 13th, how stupid we were around each other, and how crazy we were about each other, how I accidentally said I love you to you before we were ready and you told me it was okay because you could feel love somewhere in the relationship we had. Three and a half months had passed and our relationship had grown so strong. And one day as I'm walking out of your house to my dads car, my dad says we have to leave. He says we are being kicked out and have to leave to Massachusetts, but that I was able to spend my last week with you. And I felt my heart just collapse. I felt dizzy and just completely sick to my stomach. I looked back at your house, tears filling my eyes, and I whispered," but I don't want to go. I love him." And no matter how many times I said that I knew it wouldn't change anything. I was the daughter. I don't make those decisions. 

So you and I talked it out. We pinky promised that we would be forever and always. We said we would make it long distance. And I believed it. I did. I really wanted it to work because you were the first person I had truly ever loved. And it hurt to think about letting you go at all. So I was dragged from your house, kicking and screaming, to haverhill. I cried myself to sleep at night. There were times when I couldn't even sleep at all. We would call each other every night and you would play the card I gave you for our second month together. And it made me cry but It got me to sleep. And I know you loved listening to it. We made that decision to hold on. And then.. We started getting into fights.. And we started crying too much.. And you stopped trusting me.. And you would yell and curse..And I felt our relationship completely slipping.. And after a month.. I called you up.. And I talked to you about it.. And you begged me to hold on... But I couldn't because I was literally dying inside. I heard you cry the words," so this is it?" And I sighed. I couldn't believe I said these words. I couldn't believe it ended like this, but I said, " Yes babe.. We're done. This.. This is it." And you hung up.. Just like that.. You hung up. And I felt terrible.. Because you were my first real love.. And that love lost hope...
                                                                                                        SERENITY